marți, 16 decembrie 2008
Get out of my tub
Feeling tired,lonesome.Another day,another dare.I can't really rely on truth,as it turnes out, for with great struggle it has yet to be earned .
I don't wanna open my eyes,face myself...brace myself for this.
My intoxicated mind is playing tricks on me.
I need to sink,for I no longer have the desire to swim in this crowd.
My steps lead me to the nearest place I can feel at ease:water races against my limbs.There's nothing here but it's echo as it smashes into my walls.The smell of arnica on my scarred skin,pieces of me falling into the cold.
Me and my shadow.A curse on us both:bond together for all timet.I smoke my lucky's as she sits on the toillet seat trashing COSMO.Oh,for chrissake, just give me 5 minutes alone.
She just laughes at my face: "You know what,I don't like your attitude.You've got anger-management issues.Why don't you try that yoga scam or,pilates..or jumping in front of the 8.52 train as a matter of fact?".
"Anger management?How's that even a concept?"
The bitch just wasn't having it :"It's not my fault you cannot reach your innerself.Try to get out more, read a book,buy a puppy."
"Oh don't qoute me bumper-stickers!what do you ...??"
"Everything there is to know.And trust me when I say I would rather not know most of your junk.I'm here for you.That's what shadows are for,ey,darlin'?"
I would so want to beat the livin shit out of her.'cept she doesn't have one.
Bloody buffoon...What do you want from me?Why can't you be a nice shadow, like everyone else's and at least have an ounce of consideration and maybe,just maybe...SHUT THE FUCK UP?
"Why can't we be friends? You could talk to me... best confidant you'll EVER get.At least I won't hit on your boyfriend...how's that for a deal?"
"Toto, it's time for you to go to Kansas. I swear to God I'll hit that switch and let you play with your buddies for the rest of the day."
"I've seen the way you look at him.The way you talk to him..."
Hemoglobine rush from my toes to my head.
"Don't worry,it's not like I'm eager to get you in the news or somethin..."
"Just do yourself a favour,and cut it off.I'm not in the mood for this."
"Are you ever...?You're trying to brush him out of your flesh, so that it doesn't get to your blood so that it doesn't get to your heart."
"Look,I'm not into playing your little mindgames right now...I'm in need for my breakfast vodka, and you need to cut me some slack.."
"You know...it doesn't really matter if you give it a thought or not.It doesn't really matter if you suck on 12 gallons of vodka, caipirioshkas,mojitos ...this won't go away. They'll all just taste the same: electric and sweet. Taste of his lips crushing yours.Tiny liquid nitrogen molecules destroing your immune system like plague.You WILL collapse,and when you do,there'll be no one to collect your sorry ass off the premises.I just want you to..."
No need to hear nor feel.
Now, get out of my tub!